Problems Women Over 6'0" Have

My mom sent me a link to an article today, and I couldn't help but laugh.  "Problems of Tall Women"
Go ahead...read it.

So, size 9 shoes are considered big?! Bahahahah!!! I'm laughing so hard I'm actually crying.

Now, this girl has some great points, all of them are true...but for those of us OVER 6 foot, I've got you covered. 

Problems Women Over 6'0" Have

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1. Chances are, you wear a shoe larger than a size 9. Chances are you wear a shoe larger than a size 11. And chances are, some of you are like myself and wear a shoe size that causes late nights of sobbing and drinking an entire bottle of wine. You often find yourself scrolling up and down the pages of Zappos trying to find something that doesn't look like it belongs to a stripper or an 80 year old nurse. Oh, you want to wear heels? Well, sure you can! But, understand that they are going to be made of clear acrylic and light up. (I wear a size 14 if you were wondering)

Story of my friggin' life.

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2. You express to your friends very clearly, "I HATE CAPRIS!" Considering that you've spent your awkward teenage years violently stretching the legs of damp denim jeans like you're pulling taffy in order to get them to "barely brush the top of your shoes"; you're not too keen on embracing the look that reminds you of what trying on pants feels like. Your friends say, "They'll look so cute on you!"
To humor them, you try them on. You exit the dressing room for them to see that you are indeed wearing BERMUDA SHORTS.
Oh, they say LONG? No, they say...LIE. I have a 37.5" inseam...let that sink in.

- 3. You cringe when your friend (who owns a Mini Cooper) says, "I'll pick you up!" Yeah, the seat is all the way back...and your knees are now dented from the dash. Once you get to the concert, you stumble a little bit, due to your circulation being cut off for 35 minutes and you can't feel your feet. The fans at the concert just assume you're drunk...go with it. Drunk is how you look after you get to the bathroom and see how your hair was destroyed from rubbing on the headliner the entire way.

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4. Counter-tops are ridiculously short. When you stand in front of your kitchen sink to wash the dishes, you always walk away looking like you pissed your pants...BECAUSE YOUR CROTCH IS HIGHER THAN THE COUNTER! Be aware of the dilemma and don't rush to do dishes before you run to the grocery store...everyone will stare at you...and not because you're abnormally tall.

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5. You can't hide, ever. You can't just run to Wal-Mart in pajama pants, a baseball cap, and sunglasses knowing that you will just blend in with your surroundings. Wearing a pair of old Chuck Taylors, messy hair shoved up in a Pittsburgh Penguins hat, yoga pants decorated with greasy hand prints from your son, and over sized aviators will cause a few folks to call the authorities to let them know one of the crazies escaped from the State Hospital. 

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6. Hotel showers will always be a disappointment. After a long day of travel, having circulated air blowing on you in the cabin of a machine with leg room adequate only for your 8 year old son; you can't wait to shower. You turn on the water, step in and realize the shower-head is a pervert. Those are my boobs...my head is up here! Damn-it...looks like I will be doing the limbo in order to wash my hair.

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7. Standard toilets are a big fat a joke. No other description is needed, as a photo is worth a thousand words.

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8. You don't/can't take baths. Unless you have the means to install a custom tub, a bath will never be the relaxing experience that all of your 'short' friends talk about. Picture a horse trying to go for a swim in a water trough, or an average person attempting to sit in a bathroom sink. With my back resting on the curve of the tub and my feet at the drain...my knees are in my ears. This is not my idea of a relaxing time...in fact, it reminds me of the position I take during my 'yearly exam'. No thanks. 

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9. You require bed risers under your desk. Try fitting your 'correct height' adjustable office chair under a desk of any sort. Yeah...it's the same height as the damned desk.

  Bed lifters.

I just changed your life...you're welcome.

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10. Gloves are just silly. What can I say, I can palm a basketball. I don't play, never have, never will. But considering that I'm taller than most of the men I know, my hands are as well. For once in my life, I would love to own a pair of gloves that don't say "Arctic Cat" on them, or have the old ladies at JC Penney's staring at me like I'm OJ trying to find a pair of feminine gloves. (Also...stretch gloves make me giggle. By the time I stretch the hell out of them and get the band to the wrist, they are completely see-through)

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11. You know that your friends NEVER clean the top of their fridge. GAH! There I said it! No one else has. "Come over for dinner tonight!" they say. You walk in the kitchen and you're like, "Thanks, I'll just eat these crisps I brought!" 

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12. Ceiling fans should be against the law. I'm not tall enough to take out an eye, but I've had my fingers nearly broken MANY times. Ever wake up late and try to get dressed while screaming at your kid to brush his teeth? You can-and-will forget the allocated safe zone for removing your shirt. Also, don't do Yoga in the living room. (I've been able to touch the ceiling since I was 14)

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13. You'll never fit in the camera frame. Yeah, that's me...Hello boobies. Talk about awkward.

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14. I am not a transvestite. I am 100% woman. Tall girls exist worldwide and we are here to stay.  


 

But, at the end of the day I hope all of you 'Taller than 6' girls' smile; knowing that you aren't alone.

We are a rare bunch, but I have a feeling we all share more than a few characteristics...and not just the tall thing. 

I think all of us super-tall girls were teased growing up. (I was called Sasquatch, Yetti, 2x4, Gigantic Jill etc..) I'm not mad. I think it defined me. 

I was that nerd who pulled away socially and decided to read books, draw, and listen to music. All of those names they called me made me think of snarky come-backs and slams right back.  I became the funny girl...and I think you did too.

Hey, super tall girls! I'm Jill, the funny girl that grew up, became a writer, and married a Rock Star. And I want to hear about YOU! Tall girls ROCK!

 

I'm third from the right. Standing in flip-flops taller than the security.

Enjoy life and don't let the 'little' things get to you...

Much Love from the Original Albino Sasquatch,
Jillian