A Promise Delivered

I was terrified when I woke up yesterday; so terrified that I threw up twice.
I hadn't picked up a camera to shoot a wedding in 4 years, but there was no turning back on this Saturday. I had to do it, I made a promise to someone that I had not seen in 21 years.
I carefully cleaned the borrowed camera and double checked the charge on both batteries. I conducted multiple light tests in my living room and then took a deep breath as I walked across the kitchen to lift the truck keys off the hook. As I exhaled, a thought flashed through my mind and I briskly walked back into the bedroom to grab my biggest pair of earrings.
"She would approve of these" I said, feeling their weight and how they softly brushed the top of my shoulders.

The days mental checklist was running through my head as I put the key into the ignition. Would I be able to capture everything? Did I still have the skills to do it? Would I fail or even worse, would the camera fail? I didn't have the suitcase of equipment and backup gear that I once owned. Those items left my possession 4 years ago when the medical bills were crushing us and our propane tank was empty during a very cold November.

I was shaking as I turned the key in the ignition. It could have been the air temperature that was 28 degrees causing my chills, it couldn't have been fear; I flipped on the heater and waited a few moments in silence as it warmed up in the truck. My mind raced around thoughts of the past; the most recent was of the three of us as we sat in Perkins sipping on coffee and how he insisted that he didn't want anyone but me to take the wedding photos, then the day I got the call from my Dad saying that he was trying to track me down, and then even further back of his sister and I sitting on her bed reading cassette and CD jackets.

I smiled to myself and pushed the radio power button...
This came on.

. If you aren't familiar with the lyrics to this song, I urge you to read THEM. 

And then read THIS to understand what brought me to "today".

If you took the time to read both of those links, you're probably saying to yourself, "I didn't have tissues nearby!"

If you didn't read the previous post, please do so...or the rest of this won't make any sense.

Well, needless to say, I teared up as I put the truck in reverse. I had tears streaming down my face while I sang the song at the top of my lungs as I drove down the gravel road, watching the dust fan up behind the tailgate through the rear view mirror.
I love lyrics, I love music, and I love my Rock and Roll husband. There will always be a song to suit the situation, and I believed at that moment this song wasn't playing on accident. It was a message.

A day that was 21 years in the making was about to "go down" and all of a sudden; I knew that everything was going to be okay. I suddenly had all the faith in the world in my abilities and in the equipment my friend entrusted to me. I wasn't going to do a good job, I was going to steer wrestle, hog tie, and brand it while I sang 90's power ballads in my head.

And that's what I did...

I carried my best friend with me as we all watched her little brother get married. I didn't experience a glitch the entire day, and I was embraced at every turn from people that knew what his sister meant to me. I watched an incredible man make a promise to a beautiful soul that resides in a beautiful body...a man that I only knew as a kid. I saw a level of love that is hard to find these days, and I felt blessed to be a part of it.

I hugged his parents and her family, I reinstated friendships with people that I hadn't seen in decades, and I felt complete knowing that his sister was there with all of us.

Scott and Alysia, thank you for who you are, for all you have done, and for all you are about to do together. May you always look upon the images I am about to give you and may you remember every beautiful moment.
It was truly my honor to give you this "gift".

When I left the reception last night, I felt at peace. After unloading my bags in the kitchen and firing up the computer, I poured myself a glass of wine and began the process of uploading the images to the external hard drive. As I watched the photos stream across the screen I felt a wave of emotion and began to cry. Not just wipe-away-a-few-tears crying, but sobbing...holding my hand in front of my lips, steam covering the lenses of my glasses crying. 

I realized that something beautiful happened and I was able to capture every moment of it on "film". I was allowed a porthole-view back in time. I was able to give something to many while healing my own tattered and torn soul. I no longer felt the guilt of previous failure...I felt free. 

I don't know much, but I do know that we are all connected.  I also know that you can feel the same way you did two decades later when you see a family that you "used to know". I also know that everything happens for a reason.

Whatever you feel about yourself and the world that surrounds you, know that there will always be music that will carry you through. I climbed "High Enough" and faced all of my fears head on. I hijacked that car that had been trailing me for years and smashed the halogen bulb on the left side with a proverbial baseball bat. Know that you can do the same.

21 years later I realized that I can still drive it home...with one headlight. And with one single beam, you focus on what is important.

You get what you give. And I got everything I needed.
From this day forward, I am in the drivers seat...hold on, and watch this...We are gonna be whippin' doughnuts from here on out.

Much Love, Respect, and Support.
Mrs. Jillian Rock