Loving a Musician...I Won't Give Up.

I sit here in front of my computer, watching my husband as his head slowly shifts to the left; falling asleep on the couch.

He's been my cheerleader these past few weeks as I wrap the final stages of completing this book.
Its taken on a life of its own in this house, as I remember moments going into garage and lighting a cigarette in stress, yelling at my dog as he lays a chew toy on my lap with eyes that say, "Throw it mommy", and my son  begging me to come look at the new Lego airplane he built, but I didn't.

I feel like my life is passing me by as I block out the world, focus on writing, and think to myself, "What is this for?"

I watched my husband reach both of his tattoo covered arms into the air and say, "Babe, I've gotta crash". He stands up, walks to the computer desk across the room, leans down, gives me a kiss on the forehead and walks into the bedroom.

I'm so tired, I am jealous! I WANT TO GO TO BED WITH YOU!

Anger fills my soul and I feel a need to find something to bring back my inspiration; only a few pages left...

I clicked on Youtube to search a music genre that will bring me back.
90's Rock? NO! Cheesy parody songs? NO! Active Rock?! NO!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! WHY CAN'T I FINISH THIS BOOK?!!! SOMEONE SHOOT ME!!

I see a video on the "suggested" sidebar. An XFactor video.
I think to myself, how about a good laugh to give me a reason to make fun of someone...go out with a bang, right?!
I clicked on the video...

I cried my eyes out.

I realized that I had spent the last six years living a life that most would never understand. The next few moments lead to an event that changed everything and guided me to find my final words. I found a way to finish the book...


I clicked on the link for the original song by Jason Mraz.

As I listened to it, I flashed back to a moment that occurred almost six years ago.

I was looking down at an event that I tried so desperately to forget.

It was of me...curled up in a ball crying in pain from the surgery I had just endured, unable to take pain medication due to complications.
He was laying right next to me, facing me, stroking my hair while saying, "breathe with me baby, it will go away."
I could see the yellow strands that cut across the blue in his eyes, just like I saw back then.
I could feel his hand on my temple.
I could feel him.

I could hear him say, "Breathe, baby."

So, I took a deep breath...

And...cried like I haven't cried for 6 years. I felt the release I was waiting for...while he slept in the bedroom not knowing what was going on in the other room. It was him...

Why do we 'do'? Why do some of us live lives that others look down on because we don't do it like they do it? Why do some of us never accept mediocrity and normalcy?

My answer is, "Because we were supposed to."

I remembered the words of encouragement I sent to my friend Christy, "You realize it all happened for a reason. It's like the movie 'Signs'. And then what I said to my friend Sarah, "Something is happening, listen and be aware of the signs, open your heart and listen".

All of a sudden, I was aware of all my own "Signs". The ones I wasn't paying attention to until this very moment.

I finally figured it out.

The ending wasn't supposed to be humorous, I was supposed to tell the story of why "Loving a Musician" is worth it. And, also for me to understand that the sacrifices I am making right now aren't being judged by the men that I love...they understand, and support me because they saw the signs before I did. They were standing beside me when I was fighting for my life and they know that 'right now' is my time to shine.

I flashed back to the night of our 4th Anniversary; as we slow-danced in the living room listening to INXS-Never Tear Us Apart. I smiled remembering how he dipped me backwards and kissed me while caressing the curve of my back; knowing he truly, madly, deeply loves me.

Say what you will about a musician. Think of all the stereotypes that you've been brainwashed into believing. I'm here to say, that you're wrong...and I wrote a book about it.

Thank you Jason Mraz, and thank you to my other-worldly companion...I got it. It's a love story.

Well, I won't give up on us, Even if the skies get rough...And they could never tear us apart.

Everything happens for a reason...the best is yet to come...

Love, Respect, and Support
Jillian