My sincere apologies for the neglect. These are the things that occur when other things are taking shape.
Well...I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag...my book is almost finished. Yep, it's the real deal! Here we go!*
(* probably a bad idea)
My inspiration to finally re-open my blog site occurred after I decided I needed a "Brain Break" from editing and revising. I went on to the book-of-faces and immediately loaded the news feed. My fellow "Rock Chick" Deb (Music Endorser Extraordinaire) decided to blind the virtual world with ocular horror by posting an image that caused me go running into the bathroom; while evacuating the dinner my husband so lovingly prepared.
Mom Jeans are back in style.
What...the...bloody..hell?!!!
Really?
Take your time in the bathroom as you expel your anger and remember your 1981 Mustang. Yeah, the one from the decade that ALL vehicles were a design disgrace to muscle cars world-wide. Much like the automotive industry in that 10-year-span, the fashions were equally unflattering.
I still remain undecided if the "ones" who decided this would be a great idea were either emotionally scarred as an infant during that time, or if they are playing a big fat joke on those who lived through it.
This is how I imagine it going down...
Set Scene:
(Board room of pretentious hipsters surrounding a large conference table with drawings of their parents on foam board sitting on easels along the wall)
ACTION!
"Let's design a pair of jeans that make it appear the navel sits directly below the nipple. Also, design the cut to make all the women who actually had a 10 lb child yanked from their loins (who want to appear 'fashionable') look like the front view of a pregnant milking goat"
(face-palm)
While we are at it, let's all wear 3 pairs of layered neon dyed socks, and smoke Pal-Mal's from Grandpas glove box? Screw you 1980's. I left my ugly blue glasses that sunk down to my cheeks and awkward body behind almost 30 years ago.
I sat here developing brilliant puns, snarky one-liners and ridiculous analogies to describe my hatred for this fashion era...and then something happened...
I flashed back to 1990.
I was standing in front of the mirror in my parents bathroom with the electric neon scribble wallpaper; ratting the living hell out of my bangs, wearing my Def Leppard tee-shirt...and something was playing at full volume in the background, bellowing through the doorway from my bedroom...what was it.....
Oh....My....God.
and then another!
SHRIEK!
And another!!!!!
IT WON'T STOP!!!
ANOTHER! YAY!
And then this one...because Deb messaged me and informed me of my mistake of not including Tesla
*edit addition
That's when I had my epiphany.
1980's today...1990's ON THEIR WAY!
Well, needless to say, I went down to the basement and pulled out the grey rubbermaid tub in the storage room marked "Burn". Thankfully, I'm one of the biggest procrastinators on the planet and pulled out the size 6 acid washed navel biters. You know, the ones...when you sit down and it looks like you have a penis?
Those ones.
Well, I barely got em on. I sucked it in, did a ridiculous dance that one might consider "Twerking", laid on the bed while I told my 7 year old son to sit on my abdomen and yeah....
Massive Mom muffin-top, but I got those sons-of-bitches on.
I'll play your little game.
Only a few more years and I'll be back in my little dream world of when MTV actually played music, radio was good, and my car was bad-ass.
Well played....but I'm on to you. You can't out-smart a smart ass.
Bring it.
One sec...I gotta re-adjust this damned button...God, these are tight, what the hell was I thinking? Also, I need to track down my old Mustang. I hope she still has the stock tape deck....
Stay tuned to buy my book...I'll be posting the link soon!
Until then, crank it up and grab a stiff screwdriver...something good is about to happen.
Love, Respect, and Support
Jillian
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