Beauty

Those of you that follow the rock music scene are probably aware of the Loudwire facebook page or their website to read all about music gossip. Recently one of my Rock Wife friends alerted me to their new and editorial style articles showcasing the hot wives of rock music. I just want to extend my condolences to the guy who decides who the "Hottest Rock Wives" are because you sir, are an idiot.

Loudwire link to a good laugh

All of us Real Rock Star Wives have seen your articles and I feel the overwhelming responsibility to be the one to call your bluff and say shenanigans.

I read this on the link above: (I promise I'm not making this up...see for yourself)
    "Just about every male musician would like a hot chick on their arm (among other things), but these women possess more than just the ability to inspire the engorgement of a gentleman’s custard launcher. These rocker wives have tamed some of the most unruly musicians, bared their children and possess the strength to be away from their loved ones for months at a time."

...and I think to myself. "You, are an epic douche bag and us wives think you need a healthy shiner courtesy of my kids' soccer spikes and my ridiculously long arm reach ."

 I have news for you, we ALL possess more than the ability to (how did you put it again?) "inspire the engorgement of a gentleman's custard launcher".  But thank you for making it clear you don't understand anything about women, relationships or musicians for that matter. Bravo dumb ass...bravo.

Now, as I rant into the internet universe, don't think I'm sitting at home in my yoga pants, eating chocolate while sobbing over my snub, because I'm not. Well, the yoga pants and chocolate thing is totally true, but sobbing only happens when my husband is playing a show 200 miles away and I can't afford the gas or hotel to go see him.
Right now I am laughing. I'm just wondering how one can write up such BS and get away with it? This is why I call shenanigans.

All of these articles leave me to wonder the following:
How can you evaluate hotness? How do you decide who's hotter than someone else? Who is the boss of the rock wife hottie charts? Are they the same A&R people who decide which songs to hack up, over produce and essentially cut the artists entirely out of publishing?  I think I am on to something here...

This topic is EXACTLY why I left modeling. One week I was hot, the next I was being told I needed to get my tooth fixed and a nose job. Thankfully, I was smart enough to get out before I listened to the beauty-industry whack jobs. My nose, face and well everything on me is God given and unaltered, and I am thankful I didn't fall into the trap of modification for societal acceptance.
I know, I know, you all are giggling as you realize that yet another musician married himself a model. I get it, and I guess in some sort of ridiculous way, I laugh at it myself. Aaron and I are the labelized stereotype, but we aren't the living stereotype...this I assure you.

So what is it going to take for people to understand that The Rock Wife isn't someone to be exploited and rated?  I'm not entirely certain, but I will say that I feel compelled to do something not many Rock Star wives are willing to do. I'm going to prove that what others think of you doesn't matter...

The image you see below is of the day I decided to start writing my book "The Real Rock Star Wives Handbook". Nothing kicks you in the ass harder than the realization that at any time you will run out of time.
I used to be careful about what I said and made sure not to "Upset the balance of the Rock Life Image". I don't think about life so foolishly any more.

.

I now swan dive into the world with the in-your-face no bull attitude that has become my trademark. Ask any of the rock wives that know me. I am confident they will all say, "That potty mouthed albino Sasquatch tells it like it is". I'm also confident that my brothers in rock will say the same.

So, here you go.

The rules to allow yourself the freedom to not "feel" judged in the music industry.

1.) Make fun of yourself. Because, you're a real person and people need to see that. (Also...chocolate facial masks are awesome...because it's chocolate)

2.) Make fun of others because you can successfully make fun of yourself.  And in the music industry, you need to make fun of everyone else.

3.) Show people in the Music Industry you are watching and you mean business.

4.)  Don't try to look perfect in photos with fans. You always have to live up to that perfect pose. This style is much more memorable and highlights your personality. (*Photo-bomb at every opportunity*)

5.) Show your kids that it's cool to rock...but tell them "When you grow up....get a real job".

6.) Don't take yourself so seriously. Laughing is medicine.

6.) Support the hell out of your man. Because he's your everything.

7.) Show up to your friends' rock shows in yoga pants, a tank top and a baseball cap. Bring a grill and food.  Because who cares what the other people think and you cook good. And...being the "Band Mom" is so much cooler than being the girl who worries about if she broke her nail or her outfit matches. (DC is short...HAH!)

Well, there you go. Now go ahead and ask yourself, "Why is it that we need to take appearances so seriously?"   

Maybe I see things differently because of the whole 5 year long tumor-illness "thing" but correct me if I'm wrong in asking, "Why does a Rock Wife need to impress everyone she encounters with her appearance?" 

They say first impressions are everything, but I don't think the first few seconds will even give you a strobe light flash of who I am or who any of us are for that matter.  The Rock Star wife has lived a crazy up and down life all while being judged by every chick in that arena screaming for her husband. 

After all these years I can honestly say, "Look in the mirrors people. You have no idea."

We can't be your definition of beauty all of the time, but we are beauty in the eyes of our husbands who give the world the gift of love songs, and that my friends is all that matters.

And yes...I clean up when I want to. But most of the time, my yoga pants, tank top and baseball cap will do.  You get the idea.

So, Loudwire...you can go ahead and kiss my Polish arse, you wouldn't know beauty if it hit you driving a semi truck at 80 mph. 
Speaking of...I need to get my CDL renewed and also, please send me your office address.

-Jillian Rock- Copyright 2013

The Rules

I am honestly humbled and thankful right now.  My letter to "The Fans" has officially went "Viral".

My next post was already written, but I felt compelled to change it after the events of the last 24 hours.
As I sat watching the stats page climb to 50 then to 800, I smiled. When it passed 2000, I thought "Wow!"
And now, as I write this, I watch the stats climbing higher than the population of the county we live in.  I am blown away and grateful that so many have chosen to share the idea that a "farm girl wife" of a "signed rock musician" might have something worth while to read and discuss.
I thank all of you. Truly.

Now, comes the hard part.
How do I live up to the hype of something so well received and shared? How do I top it? How do I wrap my Midwestern farm girl mind around the fact that for the first time in my married life, I have stepped out of the shadows and allowed myself to walk out of the fence line of my farm and let others judge what I have to say?
The answer, I realize, is that I can't allow any of that to matter.
I'm still the same rough around the edges, 6'1", cancer surviving, tattoo covered, tractor driving, gun shooting, potty mouthed, highly educated, mother of two and music wife that I was yesterday.
I just have a few more people listening to me than on Monday.

No pressure.

This is where I begin the next of many posts on the Real Rock Star Wives Blog.
My hope in the near future is to write as much as I can as an insider in the music industry and also hand over the pen to some of my closest friends and fellow Rock Wives.
There are many of us and we aren't what you perceive. In fact, once you get to know us, I believe you'll finally appreciate the music you take for granted.
Because, without us supportive wives back home handling every detail of our lives and those of our touring husbands, things would fall apart faster than edible underwear in a wet tee shirt competition. Seriously.

I remember the moment I decided to start writing something I felt was important. I was sitting in a hospital 2600 miles away from my husband who was in agony and living in regret as he went from show to show on the Papa Roach tour. What is expected from those in the spotlight is often unseen and the every day life struggles are unlikely to be respected by those who chose not to.
I had this crazy idea shoot through my head as I sat in the infusion chair at the hospital of  how THIS was the "real" rock star life that no one gets to see.  It was time.

I began writing down ideas, stories, and commentary to real events as they happened on the road. I shared it with a few of my music friends and they loved it. I was flattered, but hadn't yet accepted the fact that maybe I should take this writing thing seriously.
It wasn't until my best friend Jenn encouraged me to take the leap and just do it. Even though she is only 5'1", 95 lbs soaking wet, and Canadian, she packs a punch...and I respect her. Go figure, she's a Rock wife herself.

Writing came naturally, but I wasn't sure if the subject would be well received. Would anyone care about a somewhat normal Midwestern girl's rants? Would I be crucified by not going the traditional route of keeping-my-damned-mouth-shut?
I mean, come on, all of us wives have seen this and if you haven't thought of re-writing it with the truth, you are a damned liar!

So, that's what I did today.

Enjoy....and for those with small screens.

Here you go!

1. DON’T TRY TO CHANGE HIM
    He’s a musician. There are centuries of stories proving that you can’t change them. If you think you can, you haven’t learned anything about psychology, history or  life in general. My assumption is that it won’t last that long anyway. Good luck.

2. GET A JOB
    If you think you don’t need one, well...show me the rock you’ve been living under and I will show you the bottom of my size 12 shoe as it hits you in the face. The days of endless money rolling in are what us that live in the music industry call a “Fairy Tale”. Grow up.

3.  GROW A THICK SKIN AND A SET OF BALLS WHILE YOUR AT IT
    You will be judged, groupies/bus chasers will try to stare you down, Affliction tee shirt wearing douche bags attending the show will assume you are “easy”, and your parents will think you’re an idiot. Learn to let it go or lay in bed all day sobbing in the fetal position.

4. ACCEPT THE FACT YOU WILL HAVE TO CLEAN UP VOMIT, SHIT, AND DISGUSTING LAUNDRY.
    You will have your personal space invaded by a bunch of smelly drunks, they will eat all of your food, drink all of your beer, use all of your hot water, and will plug your toilet. The tour bus will always make stops at your house...not just your husbands bus, but all of them.  You will find unpleasant things in your washing machine and you will have to clean it up after those bastards leave. Just pretend they are just an 8th grade football team...it makes it less painful as you plunge the clog.

5. TAKE UP KICK BOXING
    I started with Yoga, but realized in order to save the lives of the other band members I found that I needed a much more aggressive form of anger management therapy. You will want to kill the rest of the band from time to time, but you have kids and can’t go to jail.

7. WATCH RERUNS OF MACGUYVER AND TAKE NOTES
    Whatever the label/Management tells you...don’t count on it. Or just do what I do and pretend they just got done snorting a line of coke before they spoke to your husband and will forget in 10 minutes. You will never get paid on time, don’t expect that tour to come through and expect all payouts to be 50% less than quoted. Learn to fix things on the fly and how far you can drive with your gas tank on E. Get innovative or starve. Survival of the fittest bitches.

9.  UNDERSTAND THEIR SLEEP SCHEDULE AND RESPECT IT
    If you don’t understand this, you shouldn’t be married to a musician anyway...so I won’t even try to explain it.

10. USE THE BLOCK OPTION ON FACEBOOK...OFTEN
    Remove one more stressor from your life and just block them or stay off social media. Facebook stalking will only cause the rest of us to look at you for the moron that you are.  Sorry, lots of “chicks” think your husband is desirable. Stop making yourself crazy and remove the element entirely.

12. REALIZE THAT “NEWBIE” WIVES ARE GOING TO NEED THIS LIST.
            SEND IT TO THEM. OR, BE READY TO DEAL WITH THEIR DRAMA LATER.

Until next time...much Love, Respect, and Support!

Jillian Rock

Dear Fans

Dear "fans" of every band on the planet,

Social media has distorted the way you see the Signed/Touring Musician...and I am sorry for that.

Many will argue to the contrary, but I have never backed down from a well deserved debate and I ask those with valid points free from emotions and opinions to inject their side. I am a woman of my word and stand ready to be corrected.

Back in the 1980's, when I became a fan of music, I remember the excitement I had when I saved up enough of my babysitting money to travel to town and pick up the most recent issue of Metal Edge and Circus magazine.

Back then, that was all we had to connect with our favorite musicians. It's because of this, there was a respect/mystery about them that made their music that much better. I would sit in my bedroom and listen to lyrics trying to find their meaning. I read each cassette jacket from front to back learning each song (accurately),enjoyed the credits and familiarized myself with the engineers, producers and mixers. I sought out other projects if I liked what I heard.
Back then there weren't computers. You had to learn your instrument and train your voice...and it was good...so good.

Fast forward almost 30 years.
We have become the information society. Some of it is incredible and positively life enriching, some of it borders on criminal, some of it is downright dangerous.
At any given moment a message can be sent to any artist and some believe their questions should be answered immediately. This ensues the issue... Easy access to musicians and their families without respect.

Now, please don't think I don't appreciate the fans of my husbands band. I have developed some amazing friendships with some who make sure to send me photographs and videos of my husbands shows, some of them have my personal phone number and we chat now and then. These fans are NOT the problem...in fact they are what keeps an injured music industry rolling. I am thankful for them. They buy the albums, they go to the shows, they buy the merchandise and some of them go all out and start independent fan sites, street teams and bring the tour bus supplies. You guys are appreciated on a level that I cannot express in words. Thank you.

The people I want to address are those that I know have "traded" MP3's, who blow up my inbox with very personal questions and are the first to make assumptions and spread rumors when they don't have a direct association with anyone in the band. There is a reason for a funneling of information. Learn to respect it.

I understand the mentality all too well, and I have to say that I am disappointed in the machine that is being built.

The moment this became clear to me was two years ago while I was recovering from cancer.
I had to take on a job I hated in order to keep our lights on in our house. The individual I was working for pulled out a HUGE external hard drive with 1 terabyte of illegally downloaded music. I felt my face get red.

I asked him calmly, "Where did you get this?"

His response was from a friend who got it from a friend who got it from a friend who was a IT person with the Air Force who had been trading and ripping music for years. I plugged it in to see every album my husband wrote and every other band I personally knew. I wanted to throw up. At best guess there were over 100,000 songs on that external hard drive. So what I was looking at was 4 people that had in their possession over $100,000 of illegal music EACH. Almost half a million in potential sales LOST!

After throwing up in anger and realizing my husbands last royalty check was only $210.00 for the quarter (3 months worth) I understood what this society is all about.
Instant gratification, entitlement, and popularity.

In 5 minutes I learned that this hard drive was copied 4 times...but how many times was it copied before then and after that? How did one IT guy think it was acceptable to share stolen music with so many people? You work for the military, shame on you, I know who you are...and you should be scared.

First and foremost, I am not at liberty to discuss the business that my husband built. I am not a source of gossip to allow yourselves some sort of leverage in a conversation of "Who is the coolest for knowing someone famous". And most importantly, I am not your source to forward your demo to the producers I know. So stop it.

I guarantee you that if you were allowed a magical window to peer into our lives for the past 13 years and saw what the music industry truly is...you would have run away screaming for your life. The reality is, the dream you thought the signed musician lives, died about 15 years ago...and no one is brave enough to dispose of it. It's just being sprayed daily with Febreeze and painted ridiculously to cover the rot. And shame on Labels, Management and Agents for playing their part in the facadacy.

I ask that parents have real conversations with their children and tell them NO. Kids these days think they deserve everything...FOR FREE and find every excuse when any kind of blame is placed upon them.

I actually caught my friends 12 year old sharing music!! When confronted, he replied to me, "Everyone else does it!"
If it was my kid, he would have gotten a smack across the face and his phone smashed.

I see the sea of loyal fans dying off and one by one being replaced by zombie robot kids with zero accountability and tired parents who don't have time to discipline. Its a sad world.

So parents, how about you slow down the pace of your life that you struggle in order to buy your kids the new "cool" thing on TV and stop rewarding their whining by giving them over-priced tickets to Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga/LMFAO/Taylor Swift concerts.

It's YOUR damned money...not theirs.

Now, before I get crucified for calling out the previously listed musicians, let me make it crystal clear. All of these artists have their following, I respect that and understand that not everyone is going to enjoy the sounds of Karnivool, Eye Empire and Lamb of God like we do in this family. What I am expressing is that over the past 6 years I have heard from fans that they can't afford to go to rock concerts any more due to their spending 300+ dollars to send their ungrateful kids to see their teenie bopper concerts. 

It has been a long debated topic that has been discussed on every tour bus I've sat on. "Rock Music is dying because parents spend their money on their kids' concerts and have surrendered their abilities to attend their own"

So word of advice to all parents and middle aged folks like myself:

Do yourself a favor and go get yourself tickets to Anthrax this spring and tell your kids to start mowing lawns and walking dogs if they want things...LIKE OUR PARENTS MADE US DO!

Respect the channel of social media and allow musicians, athletes, and celebrities their down time.

Delete the music you stole and go buy it like we had to back in the 80's and 90's.

If you "can't afford it" maybe you need to see where your money is going and realize that the musicians you stole it from don't have money either.

There is a respect that needs to be reinstated back into music. Some are already doing it...we are just waiting for the rest of you to get on board.

Do the right thing. Respect it before it's gone forever.

Sincerely With Much Love, Respect, and Support,

Jillian Rock