Dear Music Wives

I've thought about writing this post for years...

I looked through the "blog" file on my external hard drive and saw dozens of posts that are written but not yet shared with the world. I think about my last post, and then about the hate that was sent to me. It left me rattled with a bad taste in my mouth. How could so many people across the world feel so strongly and negative about my positive words of encouragement towards someone who has lived under the microscope that the rest of us call fame?

Well, many did. And it broke my heart.

 I let it all go, moved on, and lived my life with my Rock and Roll husband. I focused on what I felt was important at the time; my son, work, home repairs, book writing, making dinners, playing with the dog, and talking to my closest friends. I closed up and shut down. The world became dark as I read news headlines and social media feeds. Hate was everywhere, and I wanted no part in it.

Then something happened...

Someone called me.

Someone I reached out to almost six months ago.

Someone I knew needed words of encouragement and support.

It's amazing how life happens and we forget how important we are in the grand design of everything.  We become trapped in our routines and believe that our focus should rest entirely on what we feel at the moment. After my first conversation with this person, I realized something...what I had to say could help someone who needed to see the positive in this life- being a rock and roll wife. She needed to know she wasn't alone.

I listened for the better part of an hour. I felt my emotions sway with hers and found myself thinking about the first years of my relationship with my musician husband.  The fear, the anxiety, the insecurities...they all came flooding back as I heard her voice shaking and sensed her heart shattering.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I can't give advice (because every life experience is exclusive to whoever is living it), but in my heart, I knew I had to tell the story of "us". The story of my husband and I, and how everyone who hears it in its entirety; gasps, cries with me, and ultimately finds something beautiful in the wreckage that AJ and I stand upon.

And that's what I did. I told her about what I have seen, how I almost died (literally not figuratively), how I survived and where we are now in the chaotic mess that is the music industry.  Still crazy in love, broke, but how I wouldn't change a damned thing.

You see, my husband and I haven't had a smooth ride in this music life. It's quite the opposite and when I look back at all of it, I often cringe. The twists and turns have been sharp, some of the people we know have been downright evil, the ups and downs have been many, and the downs...well...I've been told by my "Non-Rock-Wife-Friends" that it would be too much for them to handle.

I've been approached to council other "Music Wives" in the past, and the reactions of these individuals left me tainted and jaded. At the time, I didn't quite grasp the variables that exist in the human spirit. Some people aren't ready to hear the truth or admit their own faults. It's all a matter of where you are in your life. But this was information I had to see personally in order to digest and apply recently.

I look at marriage in a way that leaves many who exist in our current environment shocked. It's not a 50/50 partnership in my book, but 100/100. Because, a musician is always balls-to-the-wall 100% in or drop-the-mic-good-night-Detriot-I'm-out. As a musician's wife, you have to have the same perspective and passion for everything. 100% all in...or I'm out. It's your decision...not mine. It's how it works.

Gasp, I know, right?

Countless females throughout our society can't and refuse to take the time to understand the mind of a musician, and that's OKAY! Not everyone was designed to handle this lifestyle. But, those who can and do...can experience something far more rewarding than just a "normal life". Now, please understand the verbiage I just used to classify a simple life, and know that is was not placed there as a snarky pun to offend someone. Everyone wants what they want out of life; some want comfort, security, and a sense of control over their environment. Some of us want more than that, and that means uncertainty, creative drive, and challenge.

I'm just going to say this now, for those of you who have already decided not to read the entire article...(as you yawn, because you've got it all figured out)...you know...I'll save you some time, because everything needs to be easy. So here is the cliff notes version. Copy and paste, print, and hang it on your bathroom mirror next to the picture of you and your girls at spring break.

 If you want an ordinary life that allows you the gift of feeling secure, comfortable and in control of every waking moment of your life, do the world a favor, and find yourself a nice trust-fund boy who can meet all of your financial needs and stroke your ego. The music life isn't for you...period.

You get what you give. This is the law of the universe.

My new friend called me again this morning, I could hear the change in her voice. She was excited about what she had learned, just from listening to my stories that span the better part of a decade.  She said the magic words, "I won't give up". And it made me smile.

Every person is different, as I said before, they see what they choose to see and some are influenced by the thoughts and actions by others (who know nothing about the music industry, I might add). Take everything in, really think about it and decide for yourself. Some ladies walk through the music trenches with a chip on their shoulder, and an attitude that you can smell from a mile away. They give up too easily. They feel as though they are owed something.

You can't have that attitude, ever in my opinion, but especially not in this lifestyle. But that's an entirely different post that doesn't relate to this blog.

 For seven years (of what many consider hell on earth), I held on. I bore down even though my fingers were sore and my hands could barely muster the strength to keep my grip. I refused to give up, because I saw something beautiful in him and I would be damned if I would give up before he saw it himself. If you were wondering, he did eventually see it, and it was like every firework in the world exploded in unison as we held hands. It was more than beautiful.

I know that through all of this, I have gained another friend in the music circle. Not just an acquaintance, but a REAL friend. Over the weeks of our chats, I realized that this beautiful woman who was once scared and insecure about the relationship she was in, now possesses the strength and confidence that we all seek to guide our inspiration. She finally feels free to love who SHE IS while loving someone who is "famous". It made my heart smile to read her text today. She sees what is important...it isn't about fitting into some silly little box that society made to encase the Rock and Roll wife; putting her on display, for everyone to gawk at and make a fuss over.  It was about setting fire to the box and walking freely to live, love, and most importantly to create her own place in this crazy world.

Obviously, I'm not going to mention band names or her name for that matter, but I know she is going to read this message I am writing for the world to see. In a way, it's not just for her, but for all the women out there that live the music life. Love it or send the hate to my inbox, this is what I feel I need to say, and I'm not going to let a few dark hearts change the color of my own. 

Dear Music Wife,

You are special. 

I tell you this, because I know for certain that you can keep going...you are a REAL Rock Star Wife. You're not some superficial materialist bimbo who acts like a fool on a scripted television show. You're a real person who loves, feels, and works hard to show the world that music matters. You chose a musician and he chose you right back. You are special, because not many can handle or even think about what you deal with on a daily basis. 

You're a MacGuyver of sorts, a fixer of any situation, a mediator, a calmer of nerves, a juggler of all things. It's in your DNA to look past the ordinary and seek out the beautiful challenge and revel in its mystery. You have found the true energy of this world and hold it in your hands; looking at it with wonder, it's him. You see possibilities and you dream of the beauty in his soul. You didn't want an ordinary trip across town, you wanted a lifetime journey with adventure and suspense across the world...cheering him on the entire way.

The people around you want to hold you back, they demand conformity and tell you that you're crazy.  Well, you kind of are...crazy, that is...but you're an incredible kind of crazy. The kind of crazy that can change the world, and you often do...you change his.

Your love inspires him to write the music that helps people make it through their darkest times and they shout from the top of their lungs as they celebrate their little victories. Your love is that important to the world.

You are not alone and there is a way to live in this industry without selling out or losing sight of who you are. Don't let the walls of fame suffocate you. Shatter the glass...and feel the rest of us reaching out to show you that loving a musician can be truly rewarding.

 I say this to all of you, my sweet, beautiful, amazing, graceful women of music.
You may feel like you're falling at times, but I assure you that you're not alone. We all have felt defeated, pushed into the corner, told that we need to curb our enthusiasm, and been brought to tears with what feels like the worlds greatest struggles. But, those of us that have fought through the bullshit and kept our heels dug into the ground, eyes wide open, with fists clenched in support of the men we love, know what can be achieved.

I can't tell you what it is, because, well...it's difficult to describe and put into a blog post. You can't just read about it...you have to feel it to understand. But, trust me when I say, it's the kind of stuff they write books and make movies about. ;)

Loving a musician isn't easy, but I assure you, it's beautiful when you finally open your eyes. You get what you give. When you give 100%, you get it back...not immediately...but you will. Hold on and don't give up. The ride can be scary at times, but don't focus on the road, look out the windows from time to time and enjoy the view...it's much cooler watching the world go by from the windows of a tour bus. 

Until next time; love more, give more, reach out and share the journey. 

We are all in this together.

Love Always,

Jillian Rock

Message to Scott Stapp

*Warning-Graphic Language*

For the last week, I have watched the news feeds, the social media updates and the entertainment trash papers posting what I like to call the disgusting display of what "journalism" has become in this society. No longer do investigative journalists seek out a story to find truth before they report, they also fan the flames, signaling the vultures to pick at what is left of a story connected to a very real human being, but also encourage the final baseball bat swings to an already shattered soul.

Scott Stapp isn't an angel by an means, but neither are any of us, and this has gotten out of control. This shit has to stop.

 

My friend asked, "Why do you care what happens to Scott, he was a dick to your husband."
I replied, "Yes, he was a ginormous douche, but he's a human that was intricately molded to fit the expectations of the music suits and a consumerist public to be the American Rock Star. And he succeeded."

"But why do you feel the need to defend him?" they said.

"I learned the hard way that when life crushes you with defeat, that very few will rush to your aid. But, the few that do, are unexpected and work the hardest. I don't feel for a second that I am defending his past indiscretions or current addiction issues, those aren't my business, but what I intend to do is remind the macrocosm that we shouldn't fall victim and join the hoards of mindless hypocrites that spew such vile statements about someone they don't even know."

"I guess you are right", they replied.

Itching the back of my neck and glancing at my son's school portrait on the kitchen fridge I said, "His family doesn't deserve to see what they are saying. This shit needs to stop. Do you know what else?"

"What?"

"Without Creed, there wouldn't be 12 Stones. And if 12 Stones didn't exist, I wouldn't have Aaron. Therefore, I owe Creed for the opportunity to have a conversation with the handsome stranger at a rock concert"

"Now you're confusing me...wait...what?" they said.

I continued the exchange with a long description of the experience, and ultimately gained another supporter of this cause.

It's true. While I won't go into descriptive details about my unsavory dealings with all things "wound up and shot down", I will say...that without Creed...I would have never met my husband.

You read that correctly... If it wasn't for Creed, I wouldn't be crazy in love with the most sincerely supportive and loving man on this planet. 

What people fail to realize is that Creed gave an independent label the funding to branch out, develop and release artists into the world. Creed started it all. Without them we wouldn't have 12 Stones, Alter Bridge, Atomship (GOD I LOVE THEM), Boy Hits Car, Breaking Point, Drowning Pool, Evanescence, People in Planes, Submersed (HOLY CRAP THEY WERE AWESOME), Seether, Thriving Ivory...Do I really need to go on here?!

These artists would go on to sell millions of units and inspire a generation of future musicians to evolve and become something new and great for the next generation...and Creed started it. Go ahead and giggle all you want and dispute my claims as invalid. Its your right, but be prepared for the fiery albino Sasquatch to crush you with facts.

Now, before we go any further, I have to say that while I don't support the folks that did some really bad stuff to my friends and family while protected under the umbrella of a title, I do support the musicians. 
I've seen things...(holy shit have I seen things)... I've heard the stories from my husband whom I trust more than I trust myself at times, and I've watched...in shock...sitting on the leather seats of tour buses and backstage as the truth unfolded in front my own eyes. 

Individuals who claim to know the realities when they aren't personally fighting in the middle of the music battlefield are experiencing moments of delusional grandeur. It's an illusion. They have NO idea.
But, yet...they forge on proclaiming their importance and invalid assessments of people they haven't experienced a connection with...other than with their head-phones on.

What do I know about all of this? Well, more than I care to admit. I've watched as people I love, struggling with addiction and LSD (Lead Singer Disease for those of you unfamiliar) go off the deep end. I've written about how dangerous the combination of substances and egos can be. I've stood over people that matter to me while they were passed out after a night of very bad decisions and wondered why they couldn't see the situation from my eyes.

The truth is, they can't. Each one of us has our own experiences, our own influences, our own demons that chase us, and our own perceptions. We can't see what others see, we can't feel what others feel, and we sure as hell can't understand the things they do. This is all a part of the human experience. We have our own unique story and we are only in control of our own autobiographies. We need to stop writing for others.

I am ashamed of the human race at the moment. The knee jerk responses and ugly statements to beat down an individual with such evil sentiments frightens me.   Think what you want, it is your freedom. But freedom of speech doesn't protect the message of hate. The people writing these appalling messages on social media should be ashamed. You are the problem in this world. YOU. Not a guy who is going through a very public struggle. 

My husband and I had a serious conversation last night about what is going on with Scott. We both came to the same conclusion. He's not the worst person in the world, yet there are people treating him as such. 

America has created a movement to stop bullying. There are numerous accounts of kids that have fallen victim to the ugly souls that say and write things such as this...and I've read comments on these media sites. "Just go kill yourself"  REALLY PEOPLE?! What the FUCK is wrong with you?!  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I'm just a farm girl who fell in love with what you all consider a "Rock Star". I was shaded from the music reality, until I became a part of it. Fame and celebrity are ugly things. I loathe the thought of it all. It's all so dark and lonely. After seeing it first hand, I don't know why anyone would want it...and it's why my husband and I are where we are in life.  We are DONE with the Price Of Fame.


Now is when I get real with all of you. Below this paragraph is a song that says it all. It was written by my best friend's husband Donald Carpenter.  I want you to all listen to it. REALLY LISTEN TO IT. 
This song should have made it to the top of every chart and became the anthem of every celebrity on the planet. But..it was shelved...by a company that didn't believe in it.

The Price of Fame-Submersed

 I want you all to put yourselves in the shoes of Scott Stapp. I know you can't really follow through with this task, but I ask you all to try. Do you have any idea? Do you know personally what happens to people that are built up and then are torn down? Do you remember Brittney Spears? Michael Jackson? Do you honestly know what it's like to have everyone watch every move you make? Do you have people writing their opinions on social media every day with what they believe to be "what you should be doing"...and if you don't do what they say...you're wrong? Have you had people interrupt your dinner to take a photo and sign their receipt? Unless you have...you have no idea.

I hope everyone can take a step back and see the big picture. We are a generation of immediate gratification junkies. It's all so silly. People focus on the lives of celebrities more than they focus on their own. Those of you posting these repugnant words online need to look in the damned mirror. YOU are the things you say while you hide behind your computer screens...YOU REFLECT THE THINGS YOU SAY. Ugly words=Ugly people. 

I pray that Scott is okay. I pray that people will divert their attention to their own lives and let him, his friends, and his family put the pieces together. I pray that he finds what he is looking for and thrives for the rest of his life without the stress and embarrassment that the world is throwing at him currently. I pray for Scott.

He was never "my friend" per-se...but he is a man who stood next to my husband for years. I don't have a lot of positive recollections, but I know that deep down inside that scarred façade lies a human being that wants to see the world the way he used to see it...before the fame. I know this from my own experiences, and why I linked the song "Price Of Fame".

Regardless of who you are in this life, I ask that you send positive energy...not just to Scott, but to everyone involved. It's healthy for us all.

This is war and we should never leave a man behind, no matter the injury. I will continue to not only fight for music, but the musician. I think we should all do the same. But, ultimately it's your decision.


In closing, I want to share a lesson that my Mom pounded into my brain more than 30 years ago. 
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." 

I think everyone needs to listen to my Mom.

Until Next Time,
Love, Respect, and Support

Jillian

 











 

Dear Dave Grohl

 Dear Dave Grohl,

 This is the face I have right now while writing about you.

I think the time has come for me to say to you, that I need some space.

I remember the moment when I giggled like a 14 year old girl with a big secret, as I stripped off the celophane plastic covering on the Foo Fighters album with my teeth; anticipating the cranial massaging your music was about to provide as I slid the brand new CD into the Pioneer stereo, custom installed, into my Grand Prix back in the 'college years'.

I use to love you...but I feel that we have grown apart.

I read what you wrote this morning...READ IT HERE...and I am disappointed in you.

I was sipping on my cup I bought from the thrift store, filled with store-brand coffee when I opened the Rolling Stone Article page on my 7 year old computer. When I was able to adjust my eyes to the headline...I watched my cup fall to the floor in slow motion. The dark liquid followed the lines in the hardwood floor, flowing under the desk to where my feet sat. The coffee, moving slowly in time to the music I was listening to...I didn't even feel the heat ,as my socks absorbed the fluid.

I was numb.

Dave, I don't know what happened to you. At this point, as I reflect on what you just said...I'm not sure you do either.

We've had a solid relationship over the years. I've watched you grow...and while you don't know this, my husband (a fellow Rock Musician) bestowed the honor upon you to be the only legal "Crush" he allowed for me to have after we were married.

I purchased your music from brick-and-mortar stores, caught a few of your shows in college, and watched numerous performances from my living room. It was rad...I cheered for you.

It is with a heavy heart, that I say...It's over between you and I.

I have been in this game for almost a decade now. I've watched countless musicians as they rose above and came tumbling down, by no fault of their own. I've watched labels, management, and legal teams create glass ceilings in order to protect "The Big Ones".

So I ask, "Who got the Best Of You, Dave?"

Was it someone who approached you backstage after one of your shows in Wembly Stadium? Was it someone in your band speaking on record that U2 sounded like a "fart". Did you then decide that all the music but your own "sounds like a fart"? Was is just a complete and total disconnect from the local music scene?

WHAT?! WHO?!!

Do you really understand what the "Average" or "Mainstream" musician goes through?

Do you understand the term "Pay To Play"? Do you understand "Buy On Tours"? Do you understand "Buying Radio Spins"?

Or, are you just pretending? Pshhhh....RIIIIIGHT

So YOU'RE the pretender now.

I think every human on the face of the earth experiences their moment, enveloped with fear, as they watch their beliefs and admiration crumble when they witness their romanitc luminary fall back to earth, as they join the seas of mortals. 

I watched you fall...I was deeply saddened...and here you will remain.

I don't think you have any idea how hard the "current musician" works these days or the sacrifices they make in order to give their music to the world.  I've sat on their RV's and tour buses, had them crash my house, fed them, and held them as they cried on my shoulder as they missed their families.

The struggle to pay the bills is real Dave, and we are the ones in this business, who struggle every day, whom once looked up to you...We now look you in the eyes and say, "SCREW OFF, PRINCESS!"

I am not alone in this decision, as I have corresponded with other distraught rock-n-roll wives across the planet.

What you may have forgotten, is there is an element that connects the souls and the spirits of all of us in music. It is the RESPECT that transcends across the genres and levels of success that each individual musician has been gifted. It is all about supporting one another...to make music matter. 

It would be ideal for all of us to have access to all of the music at any time for free, but we all like to heat our homes in the winter.  We need to get paid for the music we make...or we are forced to give it all up and get jobs like...cleaning your house, detailing your cars, or screening Jack Black's pubic hairs out of your swimming pool.

I'm sorry Dave, but this is good bye. 

I have to do it for my own good. I say all of this as I stack your albums into a grey Rubbermaid tote and slide them on the shelf in the garage with hope that some day you will come to your senses.

I write this line as I wipe a single tear from my cheek, "It was good while it lasted."

God-Speed Dave, God-Speed.

From this point forward, you are just another person who doesn't care about Taylor Swift and I am a just Rock-Star wife.

I may be a metal-head at heart, but this time I choose Taylor Swift.

This is War...and I fight for the musician...not just the music.

And for the record, now that my "Crush" slot is open...It's Jared Leto until further notice.

Supporting music not egos,

Jillian Rock

Thank You Taylor Swift

The Rock and Roll Universe has been set on fire...and Taylor Swift did it.
(Please note that these are two sentences that I never believed would ever be written sequentially in my existence...and it was written by me, which makes it even more shocking...all things considered.)

Taylor Swift did it.

I watched the articles as they rolled through my Facebook news feed. All of  us in the music community are holding our breath as we wait for a Pop/Country Star to make their next move.

Read all about it here!

While I won't disclose who I am friends with on the facey-space (as I am militantly private when it comes to social media), I was blown away with WHO was posting in support of what Taylor Swift just did.

We are talking....MAJOR METAL, ACTIVE ROCK, and PROGRESSIVE ROCK ARTISTS!

Whoa...(Let that sink in)

Now, I personally don't have Taylor's phone number, but I know that a few of my "friends" do. And I hope they reach out to have have her read this little jem.

Let us all just sit down and read THIS before we go any further, shall we? Because we all need to understand why this is such an important topic.

If you actually took the time to read the article linked above, you would have the following paragraph etched in your mind.
"On August 28, 2014 it was reported that the sales tally for the week, was only 3.97 million. This was the smallest weekly sum for album sales since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking data in 1991."

If you didn't read the Article from Billboard Magazine, go back and read it. (LINK FOR THE LAZY)
Seriously...Let's all do our homework people!

Can I get an "OH SHIT!" folks? 

Seriously...OH SHIT!

So...what Billboard Magazine is telling me is that in 1991 (when there were roughly 70 MILLION LESS US citizens) they sold more units of music than in 2014? 

Seriously...OH SHIT!

I vividly remember watching a commercial for "Beats Music" last year on our television then turning around to my husband and saying, "We are finished."
After receiving our most recent quarterly BMI payment that was 1/8th of what it was the previous year, which confirmed my eerily accurate prediction... "We are ALL finished"...and we were, up until this week.

Many will argue that the 'Instant Streaming Movement' is one that is beneficial to all in the music industry. I can't help but imagine the superhuman power of reaching through the screen of my 7 year old computer (the one where the letter V and space bar don't work correctly) and slap the shit out of them. But, alas...they have NO idea. And, it would be as effective as kicking my dog tomorrow for taking a dump in the garage last week.

Music used to mean something. It used to provide the soundtracks to our lives. It used to connect us all in ways I am currently learning about. If we continue to travel down this path while we devalue the most important form of art on the planet (music), well heck...let's just devalue ALL of the art! Someone better have the original Paul Cezanne 'The Card Players' (Recently sold for $250,000,000) delivered to my house (no shipping of course) for the total of $56.72. (Which is our actual account balance until the 15th)...It will look awesome in my bathroom.

Then there is this crap...

 

Suprematist Composition-Kazimir Malevich 1916 (Sold for $60,000,000 in 2008)

I understand that all art is subjective, but COME ON! You want shit like this, I'll go into my sons room and take a photo of his floor after the neighbor kids played Lego's for 4 hours. Seriously, same damned thing. This should be called, "Lego's on the Floor-The Art of Pain"

'The Card Players' actually took some skill. Paul Cezanne probably stressed every brush stroke on that painting, much like every musician stresses every lead-in and lyric.

Do you see where I am going here?

Some chump in Qatar will buy a FRIGGIN PAINTING for $250,000,000 (yeah, million) DOLLARS! But music fans won't spend $1.00 to download a song to their iPod.

This goes back to my demand of the $250 Million dollar painting delivered to my front door. I want it now, shipped to me for free, and for less than 1/6 of a penny on the dollar. (Well...to get technical, what I have in my account is FAR less than that equation)

You see what I did there?  I made an unreasonable assessment of the value of a piece of art and history, while not understanding the process of it's creation or the artist and their family whom they support, and demanded it NOW...while completely shredding the significance of the artist and quite frankly...making myself look like a total entitlement douche-bag.

"What is the point?" you ask "and what does Taylor Swift have to do with art that looks mysteriously like childhood toys?"

Well, my friends...everything.

With sobriety, I say, "The Golden Goose just laid an egg". It's Taylor Swift folks. The golden girl of music. She just took her razor sharp elbow and shattered the chessboard that we in the business call "The Game". Are you (as musicians and fans) going to try to piece it back together with your Mom's hot glue gun and floral tape or are you going to start acting like a real Rock Star and Bic wielding stadium super-fans and finish the damned job? *Not all Rock Stars destroy stuff...but let's hold on to this visual for educational purposes.

Taylor swift just threw the television of the balcony and she is waiting for the rest of you to join the after-show party. This girl is a Rock Star if I ever saw one. She had the balls to trash the "Green Room" at the Instant Streaming Headquarters. Now is the time to rise up and do the same. It's "go time" folks.

Music needs us. ALL OF US.

Think about it.

I made a silly little analogy about music and paintings earlier, but I did it for a reason.

When was the last time you walked by a painting and remembered your first kiss? When did you glance over to see a sculpture and remember the first dance at your wedding? When did you attend a play at the local theater and remember the car ride home as you brought your newborn son home from the hospital?

You didn't.

The most important moments in your life are brought back to you through the magical connection of music. Music IS the most important form of art, no matter the genre you decide plays your life story the best. We all need music to connect the dots from people, to places, to events. This art form is that important that it connects us all.

(For the record, it was Breaking Benjamin- Promise Me You'll Try, INXS - Never Tear Us Apart, and Fuel-Shimmer)

I have to be honest with all who read 'The Real Rock Star Wives' blog, I was never a "fan" of Miss Swift...until this week. I prefer the sound of a Pearl Eliminator Demon Drive Double Pedal as it sweetly dances in time with a beautifully polished Warwick Bass. 
(Gah! Just thinking about it makes me want to cuddle up with a 10,000 WATT sub woofer!)

Even though I aggrandize the sounds of heavy metal to that of mainstream pop, this doesn't mean that I can't reach out to a fellow musician to extend the elusive "Award of Respect". A lot of my metal-head brethren have done the same this week, as well. So, Taylor Swift...Thank you for taking a stand by saying "Music is worth it".

I can't agree more.
Oh, and Taylor....for the LOVE OF GOD. Tell them you're 'Never Getting Back Together'.

It doesn't sound half-bad while my husband plays his drum kit to 'Lamb Of God' in the basement; in synch.

Kinda fun actually...

 
I ask you all to pay your respects to Miss Swift and back her efforts along with personal messages of support. We are all in this freak show together.


Until we meet again,
Jillian

How To NOT Suck As A Musician.

The REAL Steps To NOT Suck As A Musician

Please feel free to share this page link via any of your social media sites. You never know, it may help an ill intentioned musician pull his head out of his colon. Also, make sure someone is standing by with a disinfectant wipe to assist them in the removal of all that digested truck stop food when they finally see the sun again. 

I assure you...it's not going to be pretty.

 

1.) Accept that you are NOT special.

Right out of the gate with a stinger. 
Why don't you go draw yourself an oatmeal lavender bath, because after reading this and the next eleven; you'll be red and swollen. If that hurt you "in the feelers", you should really think about the industry you are attempting to become a part of. If you can't execute this first step, you may as well pack up your gear and the hand crocheted blanket your grandma made for you. This job wasn't meant for you.

I mean it when I say YOU AREN'T SPECIAL. Regardless, of what your Mom has told you throughout the span of your life, you've jumped on the crazy train of music and everyone that surrounds you more-than-likely does it better than you. Now is not the time to believe you need to have your ego catered to. Wrap your mind around the fact that the stripes we call RESPECT in this industry are earned. Check your ego at the door kid, the new state of music has created a better form of payment for obtaining success; it's called humility. 
Humility will get you further than self admiring temper tantrums, hissy fits, and reciting the over used phrase you are about to scream at me. "Do you know who I am?!". 
"Well, I vaguely know the name...but after this moment, I associate it with a jerk-face."

2.) Stop being a jerk-face.

This one makes me want to put my hands on my face and slowly slide them down making the sound of an injured velociraptor so as to create my own living portrait of Edvard Munchs’ 'The Scream'.

Seriously. Stop it. No, Seriously...stop being a jerk-face.

Nobody likes you, and the people you believe are your friends, are faking it...or are jerk-faces as well.

Relieving yourself in your bassists bunk isn't funny, neither is stealing the drunk girls purse to take her money to buy drugs, and it isn't funny that you took her phone to take "unsavory" photos to send to the contact that reads "Mom". 

Karma is a weird thing. I have witnessed bands that hit "roadblocks" and suffered failure. After knowing firsthand what they did behind the curtain, I couldn't help but think that it happened for a reason. 

Be a jerk-face...burn out...wash out. Karma is most certainly NOT a b*tch.  She knows what's up, and she knows where you live.

Understand that if you want a consistent following of loyal fans, you better treat ALL of them with the respect they deserve for spending their hard earned money for supporting your career. And, you better start treating your band mates with the same respect, you're in this freak show together.

3.) Don't get comfortable.

Don't get all comfy once you've played your first real show. 
You better spend every spare moment practicing your instrument, whatever it may be. Kids are smart these days, and after listening to their favorite song on repeat; evaluating every note, lyric, and drum strike...they are going to call you out via social media if you played to tracks and they'll also notice the "sound board enhancements". 

LEARN YOUR SONGS. PLAY THEM WITH PRECISION. EVERY...SINGLE...TIME.

If you don't, that die-hard kid from Pasadena; who waited in line for 4 hours to get front row in the pit will be let down. When that happens, he's going to be pissed, he's going to start his own band, work 10 times harder than you ever did, get signed, his band will get your spins, you'll get shelved, and he will make no mention of you ever influencing his style. He will tell the story of what made him decide to form his group on Serius XM radio...Kayla Riley will say, "It's a shame what happened to that band"...and you'll hear it on a second hand stereo while clipping your toenails in your moms basement. 

Never get comfortable. Leave an impression on every fan you meet...and make sure it is always a positive one. Everyone is connected and all those connections will always come full circle, this I promise you. Practice every day. PRACTICE YOUR INSTRUMENT EVERY SINGLE DAY. (period) 

4. Don't let a 'CHICK' control you.

A chick is a "young domestic foul". 
FYI, that wasn't a typo. 
(think about it)

If your female arm-candy decides you need to be her personal source of life experience, you need to reevaluate your relationship. Understand that there is an underground culture of feathered creatures (vultures) that exist to suck the life from you while riding the coat-tails of so called fame. It's a shame, but it is indeed...true.

At the time of this post, I believe I have bashed my forehead against the wall 9 times, due to a fellow musician informing us "she's pregnant".  

"Uh...you know how that happened right, bro?"

Stop making lifetime commitments based entirely on appearances and immediate sexual gratification.  Your depression and situational conflict will eventually trickle down to your musical career. Your 'chick' will cause a ripple in your business.  Find a WOMAN and respect her. If you chose to be single...cool for you...don't do anything stupid to mess up that plan either. 

5.) Save your money.

Oh the humanity! What is this, you say? Musicians with record deals don't pull in at least a million a year per member? Uh, No...No, they don't. Please send me the web address for the magic bubble you purchased to shield yourself from this thing called reality. (I really could use one myself)

If you are lucky enough to receive an advance, make a budget and live like a drill sergeant when it comes to your finances. The touring musicians pocket book is as convoluted as a nine sided Rubik's Cube, but if you are disciplined, you just MIGHT be able to make rent in 6 months...MIGHT.

Also, look at the costs of touring when it comes to the actual price tag of running your business. Do you really think you need a tour bus?  Really?
Write this down. (this informational jewel is worth about $1200 a day to your métier)
A negative account balance isn't worth the toilet you CAN'T poop in on a tour bus. 

Trust me on this one; WalMart super-centers around the country are filled with musicians in the restroom currently evacuating their colons. Us music wives call this "The Groundhog Day Effect".
In this business, it costs the same for everyone to poop...but there is a big difference in how much your wheels are going to cost to get you to the 'little boys room'.
Save your money. 
Find a cheap mode of transport.

6.) Curb your enthusiasm.
Having a positive attitude is the key to the metaphoric storage unit of success in the music industry. Just know that once you enter the building, there will be multiple hallways of doors that need to be unlocked as well. You need to work your butt off to get the keys to those doors as well...and each of these keys come with other 'costs'.

Everyone is going to tell you how BIG you are going to be and how HUGE this next single is going to be. Learn not to get excited. 

Hold on to your dreams, but be realistic about the outcome. It's going to be painful while you go through the process of traveling across the continent with only $12.86 in your pocket, but remember that this is what you wanted. You still have a lot of those dues to pay, no matter what anyone else tells you.

You will suffer loss of relationships,  financial hardships, your single might not get the right kind of attention, tours will get cancelled and...lets be honest here...there will be moments of manic depression. If you accept the fact early on that not everything will work out according to your 5 year life plan, you'll be much easier to live with when the ball drops. Sometimes an ENTIRE box of Superballs will get dropped all at once. Stay calm.

Nothing that is worth it is easy; it never has been or will be. Adapt to your surroundings. In the meantime, get to work and learn how to juggle. 

7.) Make intelligent life choices, not performance shock art.

It may seem that the world is your stage, it's not, the stage is your stage. You're not recording the pilot to your own reality show, so stop acting like it.

I know, I know...jumping off the top of the equipment trailer in attempt to make it to the roof of venue might seem like a great idea, but let me just be frank with you, drugs are dangerous...and even when you're sober...you're about as coordinated as a blindfolded kangaroo.

Your actions and potential injuries/jail time/ER visits effect others. (This is fact)

The party-goers may be cheering you on and screaming at the top of their lungs, validating your belief of how awesome you are but that all goes away after bus call. Your band members won't be so supportive during your 8 hour drive to Minneapolis.

Take care of your instruments and the body that plays them. Don't be "that guy" who thinks he is Steve-O. You can't play your guitar with a broken wrist, and the rest of the band is going to be pissed when they aren't getting paid due to cancelled shows.

Have a few beverages if it's your thing, but never loose control. Bad things happen when egos and substances come together. Bad...bad...bad things.  

8.) Evaluate the consequences of being naive.
Decades worth of 'Behind The Music' episodes exist for your research purposes. Take some notes. Your excuses are invalid when it comes to running your business.

My husband and I could write a book on what not to do, many already have, but by putting every little thing you need to know about this business in a double spaced and indexed manuscript would just encourage the already rampant entitlement mindset of this generation.

This isn't high school ladies and gents. Do your homework. This is real life and you don't get a free cheat sheet.

 

9.) Do background checks.
Hopefully, you have embraced and executed number 8 on this magical list. This industry is RAMPANT with criminal activity and people with perilous motives.  

(Cough-Cough) Not that I personally know this. (Cough-Cough) 

If you hire any outside source to have their fingers in your cookie jar, spend the money and do a background check. Don't just go on a raving referral from another insider. You just may find out one crisp fall afternoon that the insidious figure you once trusted used your bank account to fund the first round of cover ups of their prison tattoos with Paul Booth...and he ain't cheap kids.

Spend the money and do a background check. You're welcome. 


 

10.) Don't let yourself "go".

Months of truck stop cafes and fast food joints will give you a ridiculous Midwestern-style muffin top, so embrace the food-poisioning-butt-flu to save your image. No self respecting music fan wants to watch a fatty-patty-lead-singer sweating foam while he wheezes his way through the songs he wrote but doesn’t remember the lyrics to.

Sober up, shower once in a while, take care of your body, wash the pants that currently stand up on their own, burn the bunk socks, brush your teeth, and stop being so gross. 

11.) Don't sell out.

Congrats!
Your first two albums sold enough to afford studio time with a big producer and the label has now extended your contract for a third effort but they want to bring in a team of writers to create a 'radio friendly' hit.

Ask yourself if it worth it to completely change the sound and style of what you are "recognized for".
You won't be getting any royalty checks on it anyway, so consider the backlash from your fans.

Don't copy the work of others, write your own music.  Be inspired by others, but don't rip them off...and say no to others who think it's okay.

12.) Have respect for yourself and know when to hang it up.

This is where it gets complicated. There are a million reasons to get out of music, but only one that should keep you in it.

*Love for music*

If you're in this career for anything other than a soul burning love affair for music, please do us all a favor and get the hell out.

The rest of us musicians/wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends who are actually in it for the long haul want to say something to those of you who aren't in this for the sheer obsession of music and how it connects the souls of all the spirits on this big blue spinning ball... "You are the problem".


Until next time,
Jillian Rock